When You’re Ready and He’s Not!
It can get a little frustrating when you’re ready to have a baby and he’s not. You may even feel a little hurt that he’s not ready to start a family when it’s all you can think about.
So what do you do to make it through this difficult time so that your relationship doesn’t suffer at the same time?
The following are some tips and advice that can help you cope with your desire to have a baby and his reluctance to even talk about it.
Mutual Expectations for a Family
This is probably a good time to talk about what you each want when it comes to having children. Do both of you want to have children if not now, at some time in the future?
Maybe he just needs some time to get used to the idea of being a father. If you’re a young couple maybe he just wants some time alone with you before you leap into parenthood.
If you’re a little older and have been married for a while you’ll need to find out what he wants in the future. You’ve no doubt talked about having a baby at some point in your relationship.
Find out if he’s changed his mind or if he just needs some time to get used to the idea. Remember that disagreements happen in every relationship. Instead of seeing his reluctance to have a baby as a battle, why not look at it as a way to reevaluate your options.
Keep the Lines of Communication Open about Having a Family
In order to make it through the differences that you’re feeling about starting a family, it’s important that you keep the lines of communication open between the two of you.
Give yourselves the opportunity to talk about what you’re feeling and listen to what the other is saying. Let him know that you understand he’s having difficulty with the idea of having a baby, but also let him know how important this is to you.
If you start having major arguments about having a family, then take a bit to time to step back from the situation. Don’t make every conversation that you have with him be about getting pregnant and having a baby.
Talk about His Fears of Having a Family
Listen to what your partner is saying when he tells you that he’s either not yet ready to have a baby or that he doesn’t even want a family in the future. Ask him what his fears and concerns are about the issue.
Some men worry that they won’t be financially capable of having a child. Other men worry that they won’t be good father material and they just can’t see themselves in the role of being a parent.
Still, other men don’t want to make the big changes in their life that having a baby is going to bring. The health of your relationship depends on how the two of you deal with your differences in having a family.
Being Patient and Waiting for Your “Family”
Even if your baby-making clock is ticking and you’re not getting any younger, don’t push him too much to do something that he’s just not ready for. Being patient at this time is perhaps the best thing that you can do.
Once you’ve let him know how important it is to you to have a baby it’s time to let it go. Be patient and give him some time to think about things in his own way and his own time.
Also, don’t blame him for making you feel the way you do. It’s not his fault that he’s not on the same page as you are when it comes to having a family.
After all, you don’t just want him to give in to your wishes to have a baby if he’s not 100 per cent committed to being a father.
When He Really Means “No” About Starting a Family
If you’ve exhausted all communication and he just refuses to have a baby then you’ll have some personal decisions of your own to make. You’ll first need to accept that you can’t force him to have a baby.
It can be very heartbreaking to learn that the man you want a life with doesn’t want the same things that you do. This is the time when you’ll have to work through your own feelings of loss and disappointment.
You’ll need to decide how important it is to you to have a baby. Are you able to stay in a relationship and be happy, or will not having a family be something that you just can’t get over?
These are things that you’re going to have to decide for yourself. It’s also a good time to talk to a counselor about what you’re going through, which is really much like grief and feelings of deep loss.
No matter what happens, take care of yourself so that you can move forward either as a couple or on your own.